My sweet Henry love,
As I sit here and stare at your sweet face while you're cuddled against me, it feels as if I've known you forever. I cannot believe it was 8 short weeks ago that I held you in my arms for the first time.
On the morning you were born I could not sleep. I tossed and turned in my bed. I was having cramps but just thought it was another normal pregnancy ache. Finally at 3am the cramps had increased in intensity until I could no longer rest at all. I woke up and went out to the couch, not wanting to wake up your daddy. After all, I was sure this was normal. I tried to sleep again, as I had to get up for work at 5am. At 3:45 I realized that if I went into work, I probably would not be the kindest nurse because I was pretty uncomfortable. I called in and let them know that I would not be in that day, but I would surely be in the next day. Or so I thought :) The supervisor that I called asked me if I was in labor. I told her I definitely wasn't. She started asking me questions about my symptoms and after hearing everything I was experiencing, encouraged me to call my doctor. I assured her I was fine and that this was all "normal" and nothing to be alarmed about. I let your daddy know that I called into work but that I was fine and he could resume his day as planned. I then called Grammy to let her know that I was not going to work but that it was nothing to worry about. She immediately said that she was going to call into work as well because if this was the real thing she was not going to miss it. I tried to convince her that she could go to work because I was NOT in labor and did not want her to miss work. But she continually insisted on calling in and I could not persuade her otherwise. From 4-6:30 am the "cramps" continued to get stronger and longer. Grammy and I called each other back and forth about every 10 minutes. She tried to tell me that these cramps were contractions but I assured her that I was NOT having contractions. Nevertheless, she told me to time them. I did just to appease her, but there was no consistency. They were 5 minutes apart, then 9 minutes apart, then 3, then 7, then 11. I told her there was no need to worry because they were so sporadic. She encouraged to me wake up your daddy and go to the hospital, but again, I was confident that this was normal discomfort. Your daddy woke up at 6:30 and I filled him in on the past 3 hours. He told me that he was going to stay home just in case this was the real thing. I tried to tell him to go to work and that I would call him if I felt any different. Like your Grammy, he didn't listen :) At 7:30 I decided I would shower to see if the warm water helped with the discomfort of the cramps. After showering, I started getting ready JUST IN CASE we had to go to the hospital at some point that day. I had to stop and walk/roll/lie down/bend over every 5 minutes while getting ready because I was so uncomfortable. No position was helping with the pain. Finally, I was talking with your Grammy and she told me that I really should go to the hospital. I told her I didn't want to go because I was sure this wasn't labor and I was afraid the nurses would say something like "If you think this hurts, just wait until you're really in labor." Also, I didn't want them to tell me to walk. I had been speed walking 2 miles every night for the past week and it hadn't helped. I couldn't imagine what a measly little 1 hour slow-paced walk around the hospital would do. And plus, I told Grammy that I couldn't walk even if they told me to. At this point she said something like "Holly, if you can't walk you need to go to the hospital now!" Seeing that I could no longer walk/talk/breathe/move during the "cramps" I gave in and told your daddy we need to go to the hospital.
On the way to the hospital I was squirming in my seat. The pain was so intense that I could not hold still. Your daddy kept reassuring me that we were almost there. Thankfully, we had just taken the hospital tour and pre-registered the night before, so we knew where to go. While checking in, daddy had to answer all of the lady's questions because I could barely breathe. We were taken straight back to OB triage. The nurses were stellar! They immediately had me change into a hospital gown. The nurse then check me to see how dilated I was and instantly said "Honey you are a 6 and we are admitting you now!" I looked at your daddy and we exchanged a look of excitement/fear/anxiety/happiness. We were going to have a baby! While the nurse started my IV, Daddy texted Grammy and Nana to let them know that we were being admitted and that you would be here soon. Grammy headed straight to the hospital. I'm still not sure how she got there so fast!
We were admitted at 9:30am. When we got to our labor and delivery room, the nurse anesthetist was waiting at my bedside. I literally scooted onto the side of the bed and she began prepping me for an epidural. She was quick! She gave me the best epidural ever (yes, this is the only one I'd ever had, but it was heaven sent!) and I got situated in the bed. We began answering admission questions with the nurse when the doctor came in. She checked me, confirmed I was a 6, and broke my water. She said that I would probably be ready to push in 2 hours. Grammy arrived and your daddy and I continued answering questions and signing papers. About 45 min later I started feeling a lot of pressure. I told the nurse and she said she would check me. With a surprised look on her face she told us I was a 9.5 and called for the doctor. We were ready to start pushing! I was still in shock as we had just arrived only 2 hours early with no intention of having a baby. It was surreal. Grammy left the room and we began pushing. I had a lot of strength and even remember telling the doctor and nurse that I didn't understand why people said this was so hard. That was a funny joke as I began to gradually lose strength and become weak. After pushing for an hour I told the doctor that I was positive that there was no possible way that you were coming out. I was pushing as hard as I could and was sure that it was doing nothing. She simply said "Holly stop. He is coming out. Just push!" 10 minutes later my life changed forever.
At 12:49pm, my world froze and my heart was stolen. You were absolutely perfect, every little body part. I was smitten, mesmerized, enthralled, in love.
On the afternoon you were born, I was full of emotions. I was still in shock that you had come out of me, that I had given birth to you, that you were mine. The nurses cleaned you up and gave you a bath. You had inhaled some fluid and so they had to suction you out quite a bit and you needed a little bit of blow-by oxygen. After all was settled and it was just your daddy, me, and you in my arms, I could not contain the joy that consumed me. Tears fell onto your tiny little head as I held you close to me. You were mine, forever.
We had lots of visitors, so many people who had been waiting to meet you and loved you before you were born. Within hours of being born, you met grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and close friends. We are so blessed.
After introducing you to the world and showing you off, our little family of 3 spent some quiet time together. Your daddy and I were infatuated and could not stop staring at your cute little body. We had my favorite food (Peter Piper Pizza) for dinner and my next favorite food (ice cream) for dessert.
On the night you were born, the sun set and reality started to kick in. It became more real that you were mine and were not leaving. The whole time we had visitors coming in and out, it was still surreal to be that they were holding my baby, MY baby. As I sat in the still of the night, I stared into your eyes. I had an overwhelming feeling of honor. I was honored to be your mother, humbled that Heavenly Father had entrusted me with such a perfect little boy. All of the hopes and dreams I have for you flooded my mind. I thanked my Heavenly Father for the most incredible gift he could ever give me.....you.
We got to go home from the hospital the next day. We have been smitten ever since. You have already been so patient with us as we learn how to be parents. We do not know everything but are trying so hard. You are our world, our life, our joy, our little Henry. We will love you forever.
Love forever and ever,
Hugs and kisses times infinity,
Mommy and Daddy
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