I stand in awe

After a whirlwind of emotions this weekend, I have been wanting to write a few thoughts down. I still can't bring my mind to gather a comprehensive summary of everything that has gone through my mind in the last 72 hours, but instead I have had very deep sporadic thoughts.

The most important thing that I have learned more of, thought about, and come to a greater understanding of is Heavenly Father's awareness of and indescribable love for each of us individually. As soon as Eric and I got the official report from the ER Dr. I was obviously overcome with incredible emotion but at the exact same time, I had the strongest feeling of love and peace. I remember thinking "how can this be happening to us?" in my mortal mind but thinking "Heavenly Father knows exactly why we need to experience this" all at the same time. I knew, and have never known stronger as the weekend went on, that Heavenly Father knew exactly why this baby was not supposed to come to this earth at this time. My testimony of the plan of salvation and of truly trusting in Heavenly Father's will has been strengthened more than ever in my life.

I know that families can be together forever. I am so grateful for this knowledge and the strength that it has given me this week.

I have the most loving, gentle, and compassionate husband. I have obviously been a wreck for the past 3 days and Eric has not left my side. He has endured all of my crying, wailing, whining, and complaining with loving arms wrapped around me. He has been my rock. I could not have done this without him. Eric gave me a blessing on Friday night that words cannot describe. I will never be able to describe how grateful I am for the priesthood and how very very thankful I am that he is worthy and in tune with the Spirit to know exactly what I need. We know without any doubt that Heavenly Father is in complete control of our situation and wants nothing but the best for us. We know that He is fully aware of our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. We have found the most overwhelming peace and comfort in this knowledge.

I have been blessed with the most supportive, caring, and loving family members. I am so grateful for the countless texts, phone calls, and visits from them. I am grateful for a mom that has given me so much advice and has been there to listen when I just needed to cry. I am grateful for a sister who showed up without notice, because she knew that I needed someone here, even when I thought I didn't. I'm grateful for a loving brother and sister-in-law who texted and called this weekend and who have continued to check up on me. I have been so touched by this. I am grateful for my mother-in-law and sister-in-law who offered love and service to us. I will never be able to tell each of these people how much their love, concern, and support meant to us. We could not have done this without them.

I have such wonderful friends. I have 3 incredible friends from work that have not let a day go by without calling or texting me, offering love and support. I am so thankful for a sweet friend in my ward who happened to come over on Saturday and unexpectedly find out about everything that had happened. She just happened to be here and as a result got to experience my emotions first hand. I will never forget her genuine love and concern as she sat and listened to me talk and talk. How sweet she was to bring dinner to us on Sunday. I have the most wonderful neighbor and friend (who is also in my ward) who without knowing what was even going on stopped by with the sweetest note and cookies. The love I felt from both of these girls in my ward will forever remain with me. They are truly Christlike friends.

I have learned more than I ever thought possible about this experience. I am so humbled and in awe of my Heavenly Father. I feel closer than I ever have to Him. My heart is so full with love towards all of those who have offered us love, support, and kindness this weekend. I am filled with hope for the future and have so much peace that Heavenly Father will continue to guide and direct us as we continue to turn to Him and seek His help.